“Bryson, sometimes, do you just ache and long for our child? I mean, so much that it hurts?”
Most days, our lives are very busy. Bryson is running all across the country (or NWA) shooting video. I am running all across campus going to meetings. Even in the busyness, there are moments where that longing stops me in my tracks. Sometimes, it happens when someone says, “I envision that our kids will be friends.” Such a kind comment to say. I love that people envision our family together.
So that moment happened this week–the moment where I am talking–and suddenly I am reminded that my child is in another country far away. I stop in my tracks.
I was in the “welcome back” meeting with the business faculty. We told each other what we did over the summer. “I went to Ch!n@ for professional development and learned a ton to use in my marketing classes. But the trip had such personal significance too because as we traveled from place to place, I kept thinking, ‘Somewhere in this massive country, my son or daughter is waiting.'” I choked up and so did the colleagues that I am closest to.
You see, there really is a child or children in an orphanage who have no idea two people in Arkansas are waiting to be their parents. One or two kids who don’t know what it means to have a mom or dad will–it will be us–and we get to teach them what it means to be a family. The word awesome is overused, but this is truly awesome. I cry in awe that God would pick us.
I am so thankful, though, for dreams. Since we began this process and started praying for God to direct our steps, B started dreaming. This guy never dreams. But, he saw our child sitting on the counter while we cooked in the kitchen. The child was a little girl.
Last week, a friend in Ch!n@ had a dream. This is the message she sent me: I had a dream last night that you and Bryson got news that you’d been matched with a sweet little girl. In my dream I offered to tag along as interpreter (like u need that, I am sure the agency has them!) but it was awesome to “get to be there” as you guys met your sweetheart.
I truly believe the Lord gave her that dream at a moment where we needed it–we needed to hear from someone else. Someday, friend, I’ll tell you why.
And then on Thursday, I had a vivid dream that my social worker sent us a little girl’s file to review via email. In my dream, she told us how precious she was, that she had met her during her time in country (my SW goes next month), and thought Bry and I would be a perfect fit for her. I think it is especially awesome that I woke up from my dream before I read her “medical need.” Another dream of a little girl.
And in all of our dreams, there was only one child. Who knows, maybe we will be matched with a boy. Who knows, maybe we will adopt two at a time (but God is going to have to hit me over the head to convince me). However, I love these dreams.
I hope my little one is somehow having dreams about us too. After all, our child is a beloved child of God too.
Although the dreams whisper hope and excitement for our future, I am living and operating in the present. My prayer has been, “Father, show me what faithfulness looks like right now.” I am in a position of a lot of responsibility, and I have a lot to get accomplished. It would be easy to only focus on my dreams and neglect the present.
I am grateful you dream with us for our future and love and work with us in the present.